I am no longer in Omokoroa! Plenty of things happened since I last updated this blog, but most significantly I moved to Turkey (cool), then moved to the United States of America!

I have decided to go back and get my high school diploma, which was never entirely achieved in New Zealand (the systems are VERY different anyway). I am living in Nashua, New Hampshire, which is a nice enough city and I have made friends and I'm getting really good grades. So things are basically swell!

Also I have stopped being infuriatingly vague about my future! As of last night, anyway. I have always had the habit of making incredible vague plans and fantasies concerning my future, and having an attitude of 'let's just see what happens. It will all work out in the end'. But last night I was Facebook Chat-ing with my mom, and I told her I was actually considering college. We had a big talk about that and I started doing a bunch of research and I totally fell in love with the New York Film Academy. I've always had this school in the back of my mind but it always gets dismissed, mainly on the basis of cost. It IS very costly but you know what, everyone in their twenties deals with massive student debt for a long time (unless they have rich and generous parents) so I think I can hack it too. Maybe. Actually, I'm not entirely sure how I will keep surviving after school, especially if I'm going to stay living in New York City, Home of the Extortionate Rent - I will not only have to be paying this disgustingly high rent but paying off large sums of my loan. And having a job when I'm going to want to be going to as many auditions as possible? And finding a job in the first place?

Hmm, I always have these types of concerns when I am making plans but at least these ones are specific!

How he came to be in possession of the box she never knew. She had felt so giddy when they had first moved in together, so helplessly in love that it was easy to overlook all of his flaws; his troubled past, the way he always tied his shoelaces too tight, his putting the milk in the door of the refrigerator instead of the top shelf where she preferred it. They had found a little place together, a fifth floor walk-up. A month had passed and still she got butterflies as she saw all of her familiar belongings mingling with his, exciting and new. He had brought his box and now it was their box. She never asked where it came from. She didn’t think he wanted her to. She didn’t think she wanted to either. It had been fun at first. Just experimenting. They would put a half eaten apple inside, close the lid, and eat the other half a week later. Juice running down their chins. They had bought a kitten. It was because they wanted one, she had reasoned. They were ready. It had nothing to do with the box. But of course they had to try it. It broke her heart the first time they closed the lid on her, all big pathetic eyes and soft fur. She thought about her a lot during the long car ride, but not at all on the beach. Not for twelve days. It was only when she hauled her sand-filled suitcase onto their bed that she remembered. Ran to the box and threw open the lid, held the warm purring bundle of soft fur and big pathetic eyes.

After a while his belongings weren’t exciting and new anymore. They were their belongings. It was in this same way that the box began to lose its appeal. She would place her magazines upon it, or toss the mail there if she had groceries to attend to first. She had bought a test, two to be sure. He had held her hand with two of his as they waited it for it to develop. The plus emerged, as blue as his eyes filled with love and fear. She had felt she looked like an alien at times during the pregnancy, but he always told her she looked beautiful.

In the hospital she held Rose in her arms and when he looked at her this time, the love outweighed the fear. They had tried so hard to cope the first few weeks. Rose cried all through the night. They never slept more than a few hours at a time. She felt consumed, an empty shell. She loved her baby with all her heart, but was beginning to resent her. Sleep deprivation was gnawing relentlessly at her sanity. It was him who brought it up. She pretended to be shocked although it had been at the back of her mind for days. She couldn’t bring herself to do it at first. Give her time, she had said. Her sleeping pattern will sort itself out. Of course her optimism didn’t last, and three days later she was moving her magazines to the kitchen table and shuffling droopy eyed to their bed. She had slept for what felt like years, but woke feeling terrible. She held Rose close and wept. Never again, my baby. Never again, I promise. It was six months before she stopped feeling the guilt. Before she could go out without Rose, tell her friends she was at daycare, or with him. They fought about it a lot. But it got easier. Too easy.

 

Not that any of you read this. My plans change as often as my outfits (and even that is more often that I would like to admit). I'm no longer working at the boat club, no longer picking bulbs... I'm straight back to being unemployed. The rest home up the road promised me a job as an assistant caregiver a month ago - now they're renagging and I'm only to be a kitchen hand. That's fine by me, but they can only start me on two nights a week, and they happen to be at the exact same time as rehearsal. Balls.

Yes, rehearsal - I got the part in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest! Nurse Flinn and Sandy, the parts I wanted and everything. I was quite surprised really, there were so many women auditioning and only 3 female parts. So stoked.

My employment situation is actually much better than it sounds. Portland, Oregon was only a maybe option, nothing was solid. Now I have a SOLID and DEFINITE aupair family in Istanbul, Turkey! I'm leaving in early August, first I have to finish the play and make enough money and get my braces off. Then I'm leaving... this plan isn't going to change. I've been emailing loads with the family. I've even started to sell all of my belongings on Trademe - and wow, people actually want to buy them! I only put up the first set of auctions this morning and already I have plenty of bids. A good way to make money actually, I've collected some pretty covetable items of clothings throughout my life.

That's basically what's going on at the moment. Oh, and I went to the National Youth Drama School, that was a blast.


This is silly, I'm not really in a blogging mood. To see my much more interesting blog that contains photos and inspirations and not just ramblings concerning my banal life, visit MEAT AND WRESTLING. Cheers.